My Life in Letters
[CR Note: As much as we hate to admit it, we want to know what our favorite serial killer or murderer is thinking. Just what is going through his or her twisted soul? Our newest contributor,Thomas Loudamy doesn't wonder. He knows. Thomas, an aspiring journalist living in the San Francisco area, has written to hundreds of serial killers, female murderers, celebrities in prison—yes, Paris included—and others who find themselves in the slammer. There’s Andrea Yates and Susan Smith, Charles Ng, Robert (Willie) Pickton, Charles Manson, and Clifford Olson, among hundreds. Thomas estimates he has received thousands of letters written by about 400 American and Canadian inmates since he started his unusual pen pal hobby in 2001. Look for his column, The Loudamy Files, each week, only in Crime Rant. Who knows? Thomas might even take requests!]
Guest blog by Thomas Loudamy
It’s fair to say my interest in true crime in rooted in childhood. While living in Central Florida, one major news story was Ted Bundy’s pending execution. In all of the build up to the day in question, on top of having read Capote’s IN COLD BLOOD, I was hooked. I vowed then and there to someday reach out to these “monsters” I had such a hard time understanding. Having read every true crime book I could find, I was annoyed at how little reading material had been authored by the convicts themselves. Most true crime books are written from an outsider’s perspective. What I wanted was real answers from the actual offenders. Not educated guesses. So, in 2001, with more questions than answers, I began my long and often bizarre project of writing to hundreds of the world’s most notorious killers. From serial killers, mass murders and school shooters, to spree killers, parents who kill and the infamous.
I have literally worked my way through murderers, A to Z.. I mean, what would true crime be without a few personal words from Charles Manson?
We’ll get to Charles in a few. The group I have spent the most time talking to are school shooters. With a roster that includes Brenda Spencer, Kipland Kinkel, Michael Carneal, Luke Woodham, Charles Andy Williams, Jamie Rouse, Barry Loukaitis and Andrew Wurst, it truly proves a sad group for self reflection. One of the topics I make sure to cover with each is what they wanted out of life when they were young. The response I received from Michael Carneal was one of the most telling I’ve ever read.
“I used to always dream of working as a DJ at a good radio station. I don’t think too many people dream of growing up to become what I have … a convicted murderer. It’s kind of sad.”
Another interesting quote from Carneal came when I asked why he enjoyed reading true crime. He had told me it was his favorite genre.
“I relate to it totally. I think it scares a lot of people when a person who’s done an evil act has so much in common with the average Joe. Don’t get me wrong, there are some plain evil people out there and in here. I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about people who’ve made a big mistake, or some mistakes. David Berkowitz, John Hinkley, Mark David Chapman, Kip Kinkel. Good people, bad situations.”
Another member of the school shooter club, Jamie Rouse, was one of the first to come right out and discuss his crime.
“I hated my life and wanted it to end. Instead of killing myself, I released my anger and pain on the teachers even though they had done nothing to me. I guess it was because I hated school so much that I chose them. I then walked into my high school and shot the first teachers I saw. Instead of dying that day, I was subdued and taken to jail.”
Over the years, I’ve had more than a few people talk openly about crimes that they had yet to be convicted of. The following are two examples.
Garland Ray Milam, the so called “soul sucker,” wrote me from county jail and told me about two murders he had committed. In his letters, he told me the victims full names, along with when, how and why he killed them. As their deaths occurred, he said he “inhaled their souls.”
What was almost comedic was the way he ended this gruesome letter.
“They both died within a couple minutes. I’ve been praying for forgiveness. Well, I need to go get ready for lunch. More later.”
It was around this same time that I received letters from cross-dressing serial killer Hadden Clark. Clark, who is suspected in the disappearances of at least half a dozen women and young girls, told me he would help in the recovery of bodies if I sent him greeting cards.
“In one card write, What happened to Sarah Pryor?”
“In the other, write, Why didn’t the police and FBI find her body up at Cape Cod? I will draw you a map and tell you about both Sarah and NO HANDS. Now I’m giving you something to work on so I can tell you more about ‘angels.’”
Angels, I found out, was Clark’s word for corpses.
Another example of the truly bizarre was a letter I received from mass murderer Michael Owen Perry, who is serving life for five murders he committed while stalking Olivia Newton John.
When I asked what made him become a killer, he replied, “I’m not a murderer! I won those people in a bet.”
British serial killer Mark Rowntree wrote: “I couldn’t take on board what these acts might mean to them (victims). I transcended morality and was for a week INHUMAN.”
Then there’s the group that have surprised even me, by making a point trying to become actual friends.
One person in particular, co-ed serial killer Danny Rolling, sent me poetry and a constant stream of letters in an attempt to let him call me by phone before his upcoming execution.
I declined, but the correspondence by mail continued.
“Of course it would be nice if I could take you out to dinner. We both know that’s impossible, none the less, I can dream.”
Danny Rolling was executed by the state of Florida on October 25, 2006.
Another person who probably should have been more concerned with their own well being was Andrea Yates. She wrote me seemingly happy during the punishment phase of her trial.
“When I write my letter it “takes me away” for awhile, she said. “I’ll pretend we’re sitting on a porch swing sipping lemonade, chatting. I find it very therapeutic.”
Possibly one of my shortest correspondences, but yet most insightful, was with convicted hitman Charles Harrelson.
“I do appreciate the promptness of your reply, and again you’ve managed to strike a chord. That I shall die in this cage is accepted. The government doesn’t like me very much, that is perfectly fair because I don’t care for the government at all. I wish you good health and contentment.”
Charles Harrelson died in federal prison on March 15, 2007.
I promised a few words from Charles Manson. Often rambling and usually nonsensical, Manson offered me this gem when I asked him how he felt (now in his seventies) knowing that the general public still only really has contempt towards him.
“Contempt reflected to and off on others must start and come from within. So why waste thoughts on contempt?”
He signs off, “Easy Charles Manson.”
With hundreds of letters, artwork, birthday cards , holiday and greeting cards from some of the worst names in true crime, these are but a few that stood out to me. I don’t want people to think that I, in any way, condone or glorify what any of these people have done. I’m just a firm believer in the fact that you can’t possibly expect any solution to America’s crime problems without open and honest dialogue.
[CR Note: Next week, Thomas will share some letters from Harvey Carignan of Ann Rule's WANT AD KILLER fame. Special thanks to Jules Hammer who created this beautiful graphic for Crime Rant.]
July 6th, 2007 at 7:43 am
Thanks for contributing. I hope that you get more in depth with the letters as you become a blogger here, and share some insights as well. Perhaps sharing an interesting letter a week and what the person was thinking or what you thought of it so we can also parlay into what they may be thinking.
July 6th, 2007 at 8:39 am
Thanks for sharing!
July 6th, 2007 at 8:52 am
Thank you! I will look forward to your weekly files and hope to see more in depth letters about individuals, also.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:04 am
Hi all,
This is the intro column… look for more juice next week. Also, feel free to post the name of a criminal you’d most like to see Thomas post about. The Loudamy files has a lot of depth!
Gregg
July 6th, 2007 at 9:38 am
All Right! Dianne Downs, Brad Cunningham? Thanks, Gregg!
July 6th, 2007 at 10:19 am
Fascinating subject and I will be decidedly reading. Leave it to Manson to be so dismissive of people’s contempt. And Andrea Yates thinking of drinking lemonade. As hard as it is to understand their crimes, it is even harder to understand what must go through their minds day after day as they pay their price to society.
I have some names I would love to know if you have contacted them and what was their reply.
July 6th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Compassrose, feel free to send me your questions.
I’ll try to answer them to the best of my ability.
July 6th, 2007 at 10:45 am
Really interesting…thanks for sharing.
July 6th, 2007 at 10:49 am
I’m with gam. I’d like to see what Diane Downs and Brad Cunningham has to say for themselves.
July 6th, 2007 at 10:54 am
Wow! I can’t imagine what it must be like to hold in your hand something that came from a notorious killer. I think I would find it frightening — and I don’t know that I would want read about their killings (at least not from them). Have you ever received a letter that so seriously disturbed you that you had to dispose of it?
July 6th, 2007 at 11:43 am
I have received letters that made me end a correspondence, not dispose of the letter. I keep all the letters i receive put away, so they aren’t a big part of my day to day life. Some would truly break your heart.
July 6th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Great reading , thanks.. Will look forward to you sharing more of these stories with us.
How about te women that killed her children and then had the silly string birthday party for one of them at the grave yard ( sorry cannot think of her name right now )
July 6th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Do you have any from Aileen Wournos?
July 6th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
This is the name I was looking for Darlie Lynn Routier .
July 6th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Very interesting, thank you for sharing your letters with us. I have long wondered what the hell is going on in the head of John List. He is very old by now, but if you have any correspondence from him I would find it fascinating to read about.
Looking forward to more guest posts!
July 6th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Kim,
Unfortunately the most i got from Darlie Routier was
a card thanking me for writing her, when i wrote her again i didn’t receive anything. Same with family killer John List, sometimes people just want to be left alone to rot in prison.
July 6th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Do you believe that Routier is guilty?
July 6th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
I am curious. When you say some of the letter would break your heart, in what manner? As in the callousness of the killer or the fact that they never had a chance in life?
It seems as though many are well written. Not that I think a killer is supposed to be stupid or ignorant, but it is more so the wording they use.
I would like to see some from Otis Toole or Henry Lee Lucas if you have them.
Heck it wouldn’t matter whatever you put up I am sure I will read.
Very interesting. Thank you.
July 6th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
To answer the question about whether or not i think Darlie is guilty of killing her children, short answer no. Do i think she is guilty of incredibly bad taste and poor judgement, absolutely, but that’s not a crime. I don’t want to spark any wild conspiracy theories, but i believe the actual killer is a man on death row in Texas. The point i was trying to make about letters being heartbreaking is that some are from people who make no secret of the fact that they would keep killing given the opportunity. There are literally serial killers who will give you “advice” on murder, and a few who solicit help to keep up the carnage.
July 6th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Thomas, have you ever written or corresponded with Susan Polk, Betty Broderick, Clara Harris, Celeste Beard, or Lisa Montgomery?
Of the males, Scott Peterson, Mark Hacking, Neil Entwistle, or Jeffrey Dahmer before he was killed in prison?
How about David Graham and Diane Zamora, the Texax cadet murderers?
I know I’m bombarding you with lots of names of infamous criminals; these inmates have always been interesting to me. If you have any letters or cards from them, could you please post them here so that we could see them?
I think what you do is intriging; writing to various inmates to get their perspectives on their crimes and their thoughts. When I read true crime, I like to find out why the perp does the things he/she does and what would make such a person do those things.
July 6th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Scott Peterson, Mark Hacking, Neil Entwistle,Betty Broderick, Clara Harris, yes i have written to these people. Dahmer was murdered in prison before i starting writing to inmates. Of these, Peterson and Hacking were the most interesting. Hacking, focussed on expressing his sorrow and trying help Lori’s family heal–his words. Scott Peterson left me with a bad feeling, the reason being is i wrote him when he was still in county jail, during his trial, and all he really wanted to talk about was the type of nightclubs California has compared to Texas, and his love of jazz music… Strange for a man who just lost everything, but i don’t think there are many people who will ever know what truly goes on in the mind of Scott Peterson.
July 6th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Thomas, your column is sure to be one of my favorites!
I, too, would be interested in hearing what Clara Harris, Betty Broderick, Scott Peterson, Mark Hacking or Entwistle would share. It’s too bad (well, not really…) Eli Stutzman is a goner; his ‘insight’ would have been interesting, too.
July 6th, 2007 at 6:29 pm
Looks like you beat me to the punch.
July 6th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
Thank you all for the kind words and comments.
I’ll try to get around to posting what i can about the names several of you have asked about. Also, i welcome any tips you may have about current or historical cases. Thanks Again, Thomas
July 6th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Thomas, from what you can gleen from your correspondence from Mark Hacking, does he seem sincere in his ‘remorse’ or do you think he’s only using Lori’s family to help him get an early release? No one can know for sure and I wouldn’t expect you to know this for sure either.
As for Peterson, it does not surprise me that he brags about the nightclubs Ca and Tx have since he go to those places to pick up women while he was married. None of the Peterson books I have read mentioned any sexually transmitted diseases he may have contracted with his sexual promiscuity. The man is a sex addict!
Has Peterson talked about his life with Laci or his fling with Amber Frey? I don’t expect any honest answers from that slimeball b/c he wouldn’t know the meaning of the word.
July 6th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
I would also like to hear what Betty Broderick has to say.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Thomas, I second the motion for Betty Broderick and John List. I was thinking the same about Eli Stutzman…You didn’t happen to write to him before his death, did you? Gregg, have you heard any more about the Colorado investigations into Eli? I do often wonder how that is going and regret Eli won’t be around to ever get his deserved punishment.
July 7th, 2007 at 7:08 am
Thomas, I’m interested that you think Darlie is not guilty. I’ve read two books about her twice, and I think she may be innocent – guilty of bad taste, as you say – but she’s on Death Row, isn’t she? I did sign a web petition for her, but suppose they kill her? Is there any way to help?
July 7th, 2007 at 7:15 am
Thanks for taking request. Some of mine have been mentioned, and if I am repeating some names, please take that as a confirmation of extended interest. My list: Dennis Radar, John Couey, Joseph E. Duncan, the Manson gang – Charles Watson, Susan Atkins, Leslie Van Houten, Patricia Krewinkel, and the Yogurt Shop murderers: Robert Springsteen and Michael Scott. The ultimate monster to me is Duncan. He was burned once with careless correspondences. I wonder if he is lonely or arrogant enough to bite again.
Peterson discussed bars and jazz. Really says it all, doesn’t it?
July 7th, 2007 at 7:18 am
I would also love to hear your ideas about Darlie?
July 7th, 2007 at 8:06 am
I am still wonering about Aileen Wuornos! lol
July 7th, 2007 at 8:41 am
Thank you for the clarification of heartbreaking.
It is amazing that they have the mind set to help others get away with their crimes. For people who don’t want to get caught they sure do seek out a lot of attention.
July 7th, 2007 at 10:19 am
Do you know about Coral Eugene Watts? There is a long article about him on In Cold Blog. The author claims he’s the worst serial killer in America with over 100 deaths to his name. You’ll find the article here:
http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com/
July 7th, 2007 at 10:38 am
Melissa, i apologize for missing your question.
I wasn’t ever able to speak to Wuornos, though i really would have liked to. Truly a troubled soul.
July 7th, 2007 at 10:45 am
Sandra thanks for the tip about Coral Watts, i actually began writing him in 2006. A little known fact he shared with me—he loves butterflies.
* Anyone interested in checking out another fantastic writer should visit the following.
http://sandrascoppettone.com/
July 7th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Thomas, have you written to Paul Bernardo or Karla Homolka before she was released?
Still waiting to hear about Betty Broderick.
July 7th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Tina, sorry for the delay. Betty comes across as a remorseful woman. I’m certainly no expert, but i do believe it’s sincere.
July 7th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
Thank you Thomas (and CrimeRant!) for providing this weekly feature for us.
Thomas, I’d like to know if you’ve received letters from the following which you can share with us:
1. Alexander Pring-Wilson (Harvard student self-defense murder trial)
2. Nathaniel Bar-Jonah (AKA David Paul Brown, the cannibal child killer)
3. Angel Maturino Resendez (Railroad Killer)
4. Joseph Druce (jailhouse killer of pedophile priest John Geoghan)
5. Any from the Boston-area Irish mob scene (I won’t name ‘em all- take your pick, LOL!)
6. Lyle or Erik Menendez
Thanks so much!
July 7th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
Thanks for the reply, Thomas. I had always wondered about Betty, she’s a very interesting person. When you say that Betty comes across as a remorseful woman, does she acknowledge guilt for shooting Dan and Linda Broderick in their sleep? Is she sorry for all the pain and heartache she caused her children? I’m curious.
According to the documentaries about the Broderick case, the movie, and the book, Betty was still harboring resentment toward Dan and Linda for all the ‘wrongs’ they did to her. Betty was still calling herself a ‘victim’. She always seemed to be a drama queen.
July 7th, 2007 at 11:20 pm
Have you written to Karla Faye Tucker or Pam Smart?
I’m also curious about the Menendez bros.
July 8th, 2007 at 5:57 am
just curious how you got information from my brother Garland Ray Milam
July 8th, 2007 at 6:00 am
just curious how you got information from my brother Garland Ray Milam…
Garland Ray Milam, the so called “soul sucker,” wrote me from county jail and told me about two murders he had committed. In his letters, he told me the victims full names, along with when, how and why he killed them. As their deaths occurred, he said he “inhaled their souls.”
What was almost comedic was the way he ended this gruesome letter.
“They both died within a couple minutes. I’ve been praying for forgiveness. Well, I need to go get ready for lunch. More later.”
July 8th, 2007 at 9:20 am
Annette, I wrote to Garland when he was in county jail. Aside from what you read above he also spoke of his travels and in particular his fondness for Texas. That being said, he wrote me and explained that he couldn’t sleep because of the visions that kept going through his mind, so i told him if it helped to talk about it.
July 8th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
I will be looking forward to your contributions.
Did you ever write Randy Kraft(”Angel of Darkness” by Dennis McDougal), a truly horrific, brutal killer. I cannot comprehend how one human being could do what he did to his victims before killing them, which at that point must have felt like mercy.
July 9th, 2007 at 1:59 am
Thomas, just so many infamous criminals out there. Here’s more names for you.
Stella Nickell
Pam Smart
Kenneth Bianchi
Lynn Turner
BTK killer, Dennis Rader
July 9th, 2007 at 11:28 am
Thomas,
I just finished reading “I” by Jack Olsen. Don’t know why I never read it before, what an awesome read! Anyway apparently Keith Jesperson was quite the writer also. He liked to write to other serial killers and notorious murderers.
Have you ever written to him?
July 9th, 2007 at 11:44 am
Thomas, what did John Hinckley have to say?
July 10th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Truely interesting info.
July 10th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
To those who left questions about specific cases, sorry for not getting back to you yet. Over time i’ll try to post what i can and hopefully answer whatever questions you may have.
Thanks Again!
July 24th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Just wanted to share what my curiosity of a killer got me, Steven Sherer, wife killer from Washington state responded to my one and only pen and paper relationship with a convicted killer as I felt the book “Empty Promises” written about his case had to have another side to the story as it showed him to have absolutely no redeeming features and his wife (victim) as so angelic and perfect… well it bordered on ridiculous. Don’t misunderstand me I have no no doubt of his guilt and feel great compassion for her but the book raised questions for me,anyway I found him lonely, sincere, totally charming, as innocent as a baby yet longing for a participant in mail sex . He went from kinky 3-way sex so mind-blowing a girl passed out and urinated on her self! to beautiful and romantic poetry getting to my point he ended up having me investigated and when I tried to ease out of the constant letter writing he wrote to and sent copies of my letters to my family members in an attempt to embarrass me I suppose. I had to have the prison officials make him cease all communication with me and anyone to do with me!!!! WHEW….WHACKO!!!!
February 3rd, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Thanks for sharing
February 10th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Kimberly
I have 2 websites you need to see. After reading them, I would like to know what you think. If our justice system fails us, you need to be afraid and sorry you even contacted
Steven Sherer “THE WHACKO”
We need to fight for justice and keep killers behind bars. I will pray for you if he gets out.
http://www.king5.com/localnews/stories/NW_020808WAB_murder_without_body_KC.a3ce66b7.html
http://www.doenetwork.org/cases/276dfwa.html
If you would like to talk, my e-mail address is:
seattleuser@live.com
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Thomas. I would like to inquire on one particular area on this blog. I wish to remain anon. and no not wish to discuss this with the whole world watching. Are you willing to give out contact info?
January 12th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
this is in regards to Garland Ray Milam..These murders happend 6 months after i asked him to leave my home..I took him in off the streets, brought him into my home, fed him, befriended him, I was in total shock that this man did those aweful crimes..he was a nice man to me and my son..his tattoos were put on by my bf..the three of us have matching ones.what I would do to have it removed..I wish I new the true story to what happend to make him do such an awefull crime.
March 4th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
can you tell me jamie rouse’s mail address?